I am writing it here, may be say, i want to, may be coz i need to.
The confusion is decreasing. Things getting clearer and clearer.

The sky is there, the question has no meaning anymore, the words don't need a mean anymore, why am i sitting here. Well because i need to.

What will happen if & when i marry. The life will not be the same. I will have to come back home, to a women, who will be waiting for me. and we both will have wants we will eat together, talk about each other will have sex. But how long will it go on. Really is that what married life is all about. Is that what you and i are all about. That is the right now where my life is roaded  towards.

Well i am scared for the same. I am scared of my death. I am scared and i am afraid which way the things will go.

This is one thing, which leads me to think again n again. How much, really is the indian policy of keeping kids of the sexual atmosphere is correct. Why should he not learn about sex, understand about it and get on by the time he is out of college.

It does feels odd but try to understand. Why should a man/woman when is in the best of physical and mental caliber has to waste his/her time trying to figure out what the hack should i do to fulfill my sexual desire. It just feels like i will prepare the horse, make him fit, feed him fat, spend all my money on his health. So that when the race comes he will be win it for me. Oh! i forgot to mension...by then i am supposed to go bankrupt, due to expenditure on your nourishment. So along with racing you will also have to carry me on a cart, coz i will get sick, you will also have to carry about 50 tones of load on your back which we will be delivering once you finish the race. We need some money for food you know.

Don't worry i trust you! you will win the race. Why do you have to carry the load! Just in case my boy,Just in case, if you loose, if, then we have to feed ourselves too. you know!! coustomers don't wait.

And once the race is over....

...SCREAMING.!!!!!! SEE! I TOLD YOU!!.i told you!! you will loose, you dumb little shit. i knew i was wasteing my money in growing you up. you never wanted to, dont you?? you really never wanted to.
This is called experience, i knew that you will  loose. See, now the rice on your back will help us. We can have food untill i make you fit enough for second race.

DOn't act like you are tired now! you son of a bitch. We need food, come on, start walking!!.

We have to go a long way, kid you have to learn a lot many things.

YOU KNOW WHAT INDIA!!!! GROW UP!! FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! GROW UP.

....Apurva